Springtime and Round and Round We Go

The Springtime of My Life.

Last week it was my birthday. My gift to myself was a visit to the Denver Botanic Gardens. It is one of my favorite places in the Denver area. And being in nature was exactly what I needed.

It was the first warm day of the year. The sun felt warmer than it had been in months. And the garden was coming alive. I felt like I was too.

Trees were blooming pink and white. The spring bulbs were showing off. The tulips, daffodils and hyacinth were all lovely. The frogs were loud and calling to each other. Spring was springing.

My soul had been singing the same song to me for weeks. It showed up in my awareness while in the gardens. It’s a fragment of The Bangles’ version of Hazy Shade of Winter.

“Look around, grass is high, field are ripe

“It’s the springtime of my life

“Seasons change with the scenery, weaving time in a tapestry”

The part that repeats most frequently is, “It’s the springtime of my life!”. The lyrics end on a high, hopeful almost defiant note. I love that message. That’s what it felt like in the gardens. That’s what I felt like.

Signs of Life.

Grasshoppers, ladybugs, and frogs found me in the gardens. They were synchronicities that told a story. Preparations for a new beginning continue.

I’m being prepared by my spirit team to take a leap of faith, grasshoppers. They are my personal animal. The ladybugs are good luck and fortune. One landed on me at the gardens while I sat and ate an apple. Frogs I’ve always associated with prosperity, and they were singing their songs of love in full throat.

I’m ready for change. My inner life is fulfilling with moments of happiness. In some ways it does feel like the springtime of my life.

It’s beautiful inward, but when I look around outward there is a stark contrast. My life has kind of fallen apart. My country is in getting sucked into an abyss that I’m not sure we can recover from.

My inner and outer worlds are sometimes at odds. There have been times recently when the contrast has inspired great healing. It comes in the form of late stage awakening purging of past energies.

There have also been times when I am putting myself back together. Uncovering and rediscovering who I am at a soul level. Reconnecting with my inner Divinity.

It is my connection with my soul that makes my inner world love and light while the world around me burns. And it has only gotten better since I received the messages of being healed and soul integration.

That’s what people mean when they say that what you want lies within you. Our relationship with life begins with our relationship with ourselves. It is our connection with our soul, our inner Divinity that allows all else to be created.

When the world feels impossible, we can turn inward and focus on ourselves. We can’t control what our politicians are doing, but we can manage what our inner world is doing.

Sometimes. But other times Spirit is fully in charge of what’s going on with us and our only choices is to hold on and go with the flow.

Round and Round.

After my beautiful day in the gardens. Life crashed in and chaos rained down. I experienced another late stage awakening purge and release cycle. My soul had lied to me. My spirit team had lied to me. And I melted down and let it all out.

It was focused on topics I had yet to release. I was angry at the world, angry at my current situation, angry about all the people who lied to me throughout my life. Angry about being lied to and betrayed by the energies that lectured me frequently about faith and trust.

At this point in my awakening process, I am not in charge. There are processes happening beyond my control. And no matter what I want to change about my life, I am being blocked and redirected.

The path is set for me. My spirit team has a plan for me and there is nothing I can do to change that now. I am not a victim of it, but I must admit to being an unhappy participant at times.

The deception and manipulation are unacceptable. Having lived with someone with narcissistic behavior patterns, I have had enough of gaslighting and manipulations. I want it to end.

Maybe that’s what we’re clearing. I hope so. And I pray that I’m able to change my personal life and life situation soon, but instead I surrender.

I get that Spirit has a plan for me. But they aren’t encouraging faith and trust by being dishonest. Accepting the current situation is made harder when I feel like I have no one I can trust.

And then I realize that it’s all just a phase. It’s all just healing, letting go, releasing, surrendering, and growing. I get that part, but the energies, people, places, and things no longer resonate, and I feel like I’m being asked to stay in them.

It is exhausting. I want the ride to end. But they won’t shut down the ride to let me off. They just keep ignoring my pleas and the carousel continues to go around.

I want to give up, but Spirit won’t let me. My soul won’t let me. The constant cyclical energy is tiresome. Or maybe I’m just tired.

In this moment, I am choosing acceptance and surrender. The cycles will continue to go round and around. Springtime joy, rage, purging, releasing, growing. Round and around.

Part of me knows that there is a purpose to all of this. And this really may be the springtime of my life. There is another part of me that’s tired of the cycles and wants off the ride.

I surrender to my awakening process and flow with the energies. That is all that is required of me in this moment. And, in truth, it’s all that I can give. I am choosing to trust the process.

In Gratitude. 

Last week I noticed that My Sexual Awakening blog posts are gaining attention. Announcing the My Sexual Awakening Blog Series page. If this resonate for you, I invite you to read the series.

Remember to bookmark the Exploring Spirituality Blog page and check back on Mondays and Fridays for new posts.

The image is mine. Tulips are my favorite flower, and the gardens were full of them.

I'm grateful you’re here. I love you.

Be well, beautiful soul,

Nikki