Releasing Illusions

Springtime.

I think I’m beginning to understand what this “springtime of my life” energy means. The soft feminine parts of me thought fresh, new beginnings. Butterflies and hummingbirds. Transformation and miracles.

They were pretty illusions. And for a few hours I soaked up those energies and allowed them to replenish me.

And then the pendulum swung the other way. A rebalancing occurred in the form of late stage awakening purges and ego deaths. A series of them, gentle and brutal, left me exhausted.

I was tired of the push and pull. The illusion of duality was becoming too much to carry. For weeks I have asked for spirit to let me off the ride. I needed rest. A break. It was out of my hands.

The process continued. Over and over, I felt the worst energies of my life. I experienced them emotionally and physically. I became emotionally dysregulated. My emotions erupted. And I did the work.

I investigated and identified the emotion and situation that was related to the emotion. From there I forgave and loved myself in whatever way I needed. When I recovered, I loved myself enough to get back up and do it again.

Every time I put my faith and trust in myself and my spirit team. And I would start again. We would start again. Every breakdown led to a breakthrough. That’s what I chose to believe.

No More Words.

The song had been repeating for weeks. I wrote about it in my last post. Understanding the message had finally come. It is the springtime of my life, just not the one that my ego had imagined, or my thoughts had illusioned.

A new song started playing in my mind as I woke up on Wednesday. This one had some fire, but it wasn’t a message from soul. The song was coming from ego. This was a message from ego.

“No more words. You’re telling me you love me while you’re looking away.

“No more words. No more words and no more promises of love.”

No More Words, Berlin, 1984. Here is a link to the video on YouTube. (It has been a long time since I’ve seen the video. The intro, I must warn you, is chilling given the current political climate in America.)

The song repeated in my awareness and loudly. It was in all caps in my head. A rare and urgent message from thought and ego. No more words. No more promises. No more illusions.

Releasing Illusions.

It took another cycle of purging to find my way to begin releasing both past and present illusions. Facing my current situation without the benefit of illusions is a challenge. It is also where I’m being guided to by my soul and spirit team.

It aches to let some of it go. I had no idea how much of my life was built on certain illusions. Letting them go felt like mourning a life I wouldn’t have. I allowed myself to move through the stages of grief.

One by one I let illusions go. I cried and released the lies I told myself. I released attachment to the version of life that spirit and I had co-created. I released the stories I told myself.

I kept releasing illusions and my attachment to the illusions. When they re-appeared in my awareness, I called them out. “That’s an illusion.” Other times I called out the lies I was telling myself.

One by one I let go of what I thought my life would be. I put aside the stories, and sometimes lies, my ego told me about my current life situation.

It felt like healthy boundaries. It felt like a balanced and healthy ego. And it felt like empowerment. I found relief in it and that’s how I knew it was aligned.

Each time an energy, an illusion, came up the song played. “NO MORE WORDS AND NO MORE PROMISES” It reminded me to set boundaries and choose wisely. I used it as an opportunity to recalibrate.

Numerical synchronicities showed up. I asked, “Team, are we choosing to believe that synchronicities are messages? A twiggle. An intuitive “yes”. The team was body, mind, heart, and soul. We made the choices together.

I had a few more questions related to past beliefs and the current situation. Most of those were illusions. We released, accepted, and moved through whatever emotional energy they inspired. Sometimes it was a conversation. Other times it was tears and mourning or rage.

During the process I released limiting beliefs and thoughts of what should have been. I released judgment of energies, people, and situations. And I released attachment to what was no longer serving my goals and my path.

To ground me, I kept returning to acceptance of the current situation, of what is. Over and over I returned to the current moment. No illusions. It wasn’t easy, but it is what felt right.

Throughout the morning, I let it all go. I let go of illusions. I let go of attachments. I faced what I didn’t want to face. I was honest with myself. I let go of the heavy dense energies that I no longer had the need, want, or desire to carry.

After finding calm, I realized that this was the springtime of my life. This is what the song was foretelling. A transition. From the dormancy of spiritual awakening into infinite possibilities for a new life.

Thursday Morning.

Thursday morning, I was tested by a situation in the material world. I tried to handle it with a clear mind, intuitive guidance, and without illusions.

I tried my best to deal with reality. Emotions and thoughts were managed when they came up. I asked for intuitive guidance when I felt I needed it. I moved through the challenge trying to balance spiritually, emotionally, and materially.

And then, I had to face the reality of my life. I cried and released and did energy work in the shower. And I began the process of coming to terms with my current situation without illusions.

Guidance tells me I am transitioning from one season to the next. An illusion told me to expect it to be beautiful. My wisdom found it to be transformative.

Grateful.

As I move through this transformation, I have more to process. Remember to bookmark the main blog page and come back to visit soon.

I’m grateful you’re here. I love you.

Be well, beautiful soul,

Nikki