My Sexual Awakening: Part Two
A Sexual Awakening and More.
The first mention of my sexual awakening in my journal was on March 3rd, 2022. I wrote in detail about the “sexual experience” I just had. It was the first, but it wasn’t the last time I journaled about my spiritual and sexual experiences.
For this series, rather than rely on my memory, I thought it would be more accurate to share my thoughts, emotions, and experiences from the time. In doing the research, scouring through my old journals, I found a pattern. There were cycles to my sexual awakening. Cycles that I hadn’t noticed until looking back.
The excerpts of my journal have been lightly edited to make sense of them because I often use codes and non-standard abbreviations.
March 3rd, 2022.
“Last night, after shutting my computer down, I was relaxing and watching TCM, The More the Merrier. My legs were really kicking. After a short while my hands were buzzing. It was healing energy and big twiggles. This healing energy came without warning, but, of course, it was exactly what I needed. Sexual / sensual healing.
Afterwards, I became aroused like I haven’t felt in a long time. Too long to remember. I was wet and warm and soft. I went to my office and laid on blanket and pleasured myself for a long time. It felt erotic, sensual, and like a release of long built-up sexual tension.”
April 28th, 2022.
“An amazing experience just happened. A masculine energy and I made love. I orgasmed spontaneously. But the connection was even more amazing. Warm, gentle, deep, loving, honest. It felt so real. No form, no face. Energy, pure love energy. Amazing!
Afterwards, I masturbated fast and hard and tense. Very different from the sacred connection energy.
I was thinking and then I orgasmed just as the words “I AM NEGLECTED” screamed within me.
It’s true. I am neglected. Emotionally, sexually, sensually, skin to skin. I have been neglected a long time.”
After this awareness I practiced both forgiveness and gratitude. And then I affirmed positive energies and mindsets.
“I was neglected, but no longer.”
May 9th, 2022.
“A lovely healing followed by a KUNDALINI AWAKENING.”
You can read more about my kundalini awakening by clicking here: An Awakening with an Awakening Part One and An Awakening within an Awakening Part Two.
I add it here because they are energetically connected. My intuition tells me that one would not have happened without the other. My lower chakras were indeed all aglow at this time in my spiritual awakening process.
July 13th, 2022.
“I made love to myself under the Buck Super Moon. Lying on the sofa, moonlight shining upon me. My skin glowed in the light of the full moon.
I felt fulfilled.
I felt grateful for my life, my abundance, my health, my spiritual gifts, and my connection with Spirit. I am grateful for the beautiful, spiritual life I live.”
As much as these sexual experiences sound lovely and beautiful, and they were, they were also part of a larger spiritual awakening. I was healing emotionally and physically. The inner work was connected to the sexual experiences and it allowed me to heal from my self-neglect.
When combined with the healing that was happening, and the kundalini awakening, I was beginning to heal my past and feel things again. I was beginning to honor my sexual and sensual needs. I was learning how to touch myself and satisfy myself again.
It wasn’t all fun and games. I didn’t always understand what was happening for me. I didn’t know that this was possible in the context of a spiritual awakening. Sometimes it was a little scary experiencing things that I didn’t understand even if it was beautiful and exciting.
I did my best to surrender and trust the process. I affirmed my faith and trust over and over. And when I did lose my shit and become fearful, I worked through the energy. It was an opportunity for healing and growth.
As much as possible, I returned to faith and trust in the process of my sexual and spiritual awakening. I healed through my sexual awakening. In ways that I didn’t realize that I needed, nor did I ask for. But now, in the fullness of time, I see the purpose of my sexual awakening and I am truly grateful.
The image was made in Canva.
I’m grateful you’re here. I love you.
Be well, beautiful soul,
Nikki
