My Sexual Awakening: Part Three
A New Phase Had Started Without Me Noticing, Sex School.
After years of neglect, my body had become rigid with negative energies and built-up trauma. In this phase of my sexual awakening, I was learning to receive pleasure and relax into the flow of sensual, sexual, and feminine energy.
The excerpts from my journal have been lightly edited for clarity as I use many codes and non-standard abbreviations. Other than that, these are my thoughts and experiences during my sexual awakening process.
August 23rd, 2022.
“ENERGY WORK
“I was prepared by Spirit. Relax, and open.
“I was going to Sex School – chakra 1 blockage clearing. I was instructed to get comfortable, prep my (sexual aid), and myself. I did so lovingly with candles, fragrance, and lower chakra meditation music.
“I was instructed to masturbate to get things started. I did the work to clear vaginal blockages from years of neglect. We were successful. Spirit was gentle as I was guided to open to masculine energy, to soften and be in my feminine.
“It was extraordinary.
“I cleared prior life trauma and current life trauma. I teared up but didn’t cry. My body was sore and relaxed. I rested afterwards.”
It was around this time in my spiritual awakening that I was in “spiritual school” with the Ascended Masters. I think that’s why I likened this time to being in “Sex School”. What it meant was that this phase of my sexual awakening was filled with growth.
(You can read about some of my experiences with spiritual school in this post, Medium School.)
September 9th, 2022.
“SEX SCHOOL
“The energy of receiving served me well. Receiving attention, affection, sex, and sexual orgasms are the lesson. Today was sexually fulfilling. One AMAZING / BEST EVER orgasm. Spirit whispered, “kundalini orgasm.” I’ve been basking / marinating in that energy since. I am grateful.”
Immediately after that passage I wrote: “4:44 pm “fully supported”.
That’s how I felt at this time, fully supported. I was being guided step by step towards healing and pleasure.
September 21st, 2022.
“Spirit brought me a beautiful and loving sacred sexual experience this morning. I was told to “receive”. It was lovely and satisfying. I am grateful.”
There were many of these experiences during my sexual awakening. Most of them weren’t written about in my journal. All of them were an integral part of my awakening process in that I was learning to receive. It sounds simple, but after a lifetime of over-giving, it felt delicious to receive pleasure. And after many years of neglect, it was much needed.
October 4th, 2022.
“Morning love making.
“When I sat to mediate, I sat quietly for a while before inviting Spirit. They said that my lover would expect me to orgasm. I took that to mean that I must put more effort into my sexuality. My mistake was thinking it was just energy work. Now I know they are preparing me sexually.”
I remember that the awareness that someday I would have a sexual partner and that they would expect me to orgasm rang through me like an alarm bell. This was more than just fun. I was being aligned with future manifestations.
I wasn’t just doing this for fun. This was inner work, spiritual work, healing, intuitively guided, and divinely ordained. This was both a spiritual and sexual awakening.
October 9th, 2022.
“SACRED SEXUAL GUIDANCE.
“The living room is dark. The blinds open, full moon light is pouring in. I heard, “make love to me in the moonlight”. My body is activated. My intuition is strong. I am aroused. I look forward to it tonight.
“I am grateful for these spiritual blessings and beautiful energy. I release resistance and doubt. I live in faith and trust of Spirit and Divine timing. I release the energy vampire. I be and do only what I want to be and do.”
October 10th, 2022.
“Last night was an amazing sacred sexual experience. I am being coached to receive physical and sexual pleasure.”
Then I note a series of synchronicities announcing accolades and support. I am being supported through every step of my sexual awakening process.
In the shower that morning, I was guided to make love afterwards.
“We made love on the bed with my (sexual aid). We began slowly. My masculine energy was tempered by my soft, receptive feminine energy. My vagina opened deeply again. My masculine energetic need for an orgasm came through and I again softened to receive. More focused softening is needed, and I am grateful for progress.”
October 16th, 2022.
“Spirit came to sit with me. They caressed, kissed, and wrapped their energy around me.
We enjoyed, savored the love.”
The “we” in my journal are my body, mind, heart, and soul. None of my sexual awakening occurred with a human partner. It was always just me and spirit doing the work together.
October 19th, 2022.
“SACRED SEX
“A morning spent meditating with the plants in the living room including sunning my genitalia. I felt seduced and made love. Spirit coached me to an amazing orgasm, fully relaxed with waves of moving water coming closer, surrender, release. I released energy I didn’t realize I was carrying.”
Water is symbolic of feminine energy. I can tell by the words that I use in this part that I am becoming softer and learning to enjoy my feminine energies, and my own body. We are doing the work and having success.
The work continued in all aspects of my spiritual awakening process. Also noted in my journal around this time was an awareness of cascading synchronistic numbers and my uncle’s transition which I assisted. My life and many awakenings continued.
(You can read about my uncle’s transition and how I assisted here: An Extraordinary Gift, and An Extraordinary Gift Part Two.)
What I didn’t write in my journal was that I was guided to purchase the sexual aids that I was using. It was so far outside my comfort zone, but I was guided intuitively every step of the way. And what I first thought was fun turned out to be important work.
In 2021, I read Valarie Kaur’s book, See No Stranger. I knew that physical blockages happened after emotional trauma. I found similar physical blockages in my own body while using the sexual aids I bought. Once they were revealed, Spirit and I had our work cut out for us.
Sex school was the beginning of correcting the years of neglect. It showed me where the energy blocks were and showed Spirit how to help me and heal my body. Which allowed me to experience the intimacy and pleasure that I had been missing in my life for more than a decade.
In time the blockages cleared, and I was able to create a normal, healthy sexual relationship with myself. That said, my sexual awakening continues.
I’m grateful you’re here. I love you.
Be well, beautiful soul,
Nikki
