My Sexual Awakening: Part Seven
An Amazing Journey of Self-Discovery.
There were times during my sexual awakening when I would experience scenarios, like acting in a scene. I call them illusions. During these illusions, I would be guided by spirit through my clair senses to experience relationships and sexuality.
These illusions were how I grew through my awakening process. I got to experience things in the safety of my own home that helped me see myself more clearly and learn to be a more authentic version of myself.
Sometimes the growth was obvious, like becoming more comfortable with my post-breast cancer body. Other times the growth was more subtle and discovered later as I continued on my path. Such as learning what I need in a relationship to feel safe and open to masculine energy, and learning to advocate for what I need, want, and desire.
The growth from these illusions, like all things spiritual, is multi-layered. Not only was I getting comfortable being with a sexual partner again, but I was also learning about healthy relationships. As I moved through these illusionary relationships, I was moving through phases of my spiritual awakening. It is all connected.
I experienced many such illusions. Most of which I have never shared on my blog. Until now.
As you read through these passages from my journal, please remember that at no time was another person involved in my sexual awakening. The illusions are strong, but they are illusions, and I was alone. My sexual awakening was for me and my growth and included no one else.
March 26th, 2023.
“My love. We were together talking intimately. He wants to be with me. I said, “yes”, and then I remembered to check in the inner team. “Yes” was clear – joyful.
“Instead of worrying or planning, I suggested we enjoy our time. He said he had a hotel room upstairs. “You said you wanted to see one of the rooms. Back when we first met.”
“Once in the room it escalated passionately. I hesitated to take off my sweater and he put me at ease. “Take your time. Do what’s right for you.” We embraced. My heart filled with love and peace. It felt amazing. We sat, me on the bed, him kneeling in front of me. I explained what I felt and how in love I am. I took off my sweater and he kissed my chest and neck. Fade out.”
“GRATITUDE
“We were spooning in bed. He says, “Now it’s my turn to be vulnerable. Stay here. (in his arms) Don’t go. I need you. To feel you.” (skin on skin) I shared that I had missed it too.”
A reminder, I never met anyone anywhere. I was in my own home and experiencing this illusion alone.
April 2nd, 2023.
“I had the bed to myself. Love energy came to comfort and make love to us. I was…unsure and hesitant. I asked them to teach me. “My inexperience is showing. Guide me forward”. Beautiful orgasms. So grateful. Then I cried and released. Then the energy work started.”
It was around this time that I received awareness that neglect is abuse. With that awareness, I was able to begin healing from the abuse that impacted all areas of my life. Healing occurred in all aspects of my awakening, sexual, spiritual, kundalini, and chakra.
Also, around this time I stopped writing in my journal to rest my hands which had become swollen with arthritis. My hands have healed since, but there is a large gap in my journal.
That said, my awakenings continued, and there were illusions and sexual experiences during this time. I just wasn’t recording them in my journal until…
February 10th, 2024.
“Drawn to my cushion/altar. I lit the candles and then tapped in. Gratitude – Downloads – beautiful. Then a new feature. I felt everyone at once – mom’s thumb, dad’s squeezes, uncle Lyle’s strokes, my cheeks buzzed with grandma’s hands.”
At this point in my spiritual awakening, I was experiencing mediumship with my family in spirit. Each of them had a way of connecting with me that I felt physically. Much like I felt the illusion scenarios were felt physically.
“Everyone’s here! (joy/bliss) It must be big. I receive.
“Our energy shifted into STILLNESS – PEACEFUL
“I/we felt an energy descend like the warmest, softest sweater. Spirit put us heart to heart. Aligning our energy. My body fully relaxed.
“Hi…I know you.” He said.
“Hi, I don’t know you.” I replied. A twiggle confirmed.
“We held on, heart to heart.
“SEXUAL ENERGY - I moaned it felt so good. The energy softened.
“I’ll find you soon” he said. “Good…soon.” I replied. The energy faded. “Soon” he said. “Please soon”, I said but the energy had faded.
“Gratitude for the connection. Gratitude.
“Then guided to journalize it.”
This is an example of how the smallest details in our spiritual and sexual awakening are significant. I was guided to journal about this experience not knowing that someday I would write about it.
This is why I say, follow your intuition, no matter what or how weird. Trust that it will all make sense in the fullness of time. Even this experience, being heart to heart with another soul, will make sense eventually.
February 14th, 2024.
“Valentine’s Day began with a pink and orange sunrise. After looking out the window to appreciate it, I crawled back into bed. I pulled masculine energy near and enjoyed their warm embrace. We enjoyed our bodies. His touch attracted downloads of energy. We loved each other skin on skin.”
And then I stopped journaling about my sexual experiences even though they continued to happen. My sense is that I was integrating, or had integrated, the lessons during this period. Which is often the case during quiet periods of my awakening process.
Series Finale.
This is the final post in this series. I have grown so much through the process of writing and publishing posts about my sexual awakening. Much has changed for me and my awakening process. Ascensions, chakra awakenings, and more. I look forward to sharing those experiences next week.
If you are experiencing a sexual awakening, I pray you have the courage to invest your time and energy into the process. It is an amazing journey of self-discovery.
I am grateful you’re here. I love you.
Be well, beautiful soul.
Nikki
