My Sexual Awakening: Part Five

The Divine Feminine and Masculine Within.

In this phase of my sexual awakening, I am working through the energies of the divine feminine and divine masculine. I perceive them as archetypal energies, to balance the energies within myself, and not as gender.

I ask that as you read this post, you don’t see gender as much as archetypal energies. Generally, and by no means inclusively, those energies represented the soft feminine, hard masculine, receptive feminine, penetrating masculine.

Neglect and emotional abuse had left me with no framework for a healthy sexual life. I had to break down the old belief systems and experience everything new to rebuild, my life, my sexual life. I was learning to love myself and to let another person into my life and body.

These archetypal feminine and masculine energies were the energies within me that I was working through, healing through, during my sexual awakening.

December 30th, 2022.

“Sacred Sex.

“The intention was for me to enjoy. Started with a pile of blankets, candles, sensual touch.

“Sex came into my awareness. I enjoyed my body and took my time, (used sexual aid)

“I cried and released. I went very slowly.

“I did energy releasing. Opened my feminine to the masculine. I relaxed my body and allowed the masculine to penetrate. I moved slowly. Encountered a blockage and let it be.

“I heard “I love you so much.”. My body, my energy, my vagina, opened to the masculine fully and deeply.

“Exquisite orgasm.”

The voice I heard was Spirit’s voice guiding me through the energies of a sexual encounter. Often, I am guided this way, loved this way.

January 12th, 2023.

“I went to bed and couldn’t sleep. The sounds, the emptiness, loneliness, and sadness crept in. I called on Spirit and comforted myself for a while. Then I felt the loving energy of the spiritual divine masculine envelope me, and I opened to receive.

“They held me and comforted me as I tossed, turned, and kicked my restless legs. Leaving the bedroom, I noticed how energetically peaceful the living room was. So, I moved to the sofa.

“The divine masculine wrapped me up in his love. Tears flowed, as they are now. I released the sadness and pain from my lower chakra. I was able to relax and release more sadness.”

Here, Spirit brought the divine masculine to comfort me. As I received love, the pain and sadness were released. It is a common pattern for me in my awakening process. It aided my healing and provided much needed love and nurturing. These energies taught me how to love myself.

January 14th, 2023.

As I was making dinner on this night, I felt the divine masculine energy around me. I knew that it was an opportunity for sacred sexual work later that night.

“I laid out the blankets and laid down giving me time to stretch. He touched my body as I moved and stretched my legs, hips, and back. I made love passionately, intimately. I cried, releasing the past. He held me and then stood by as I released the energy.”

Most of the rest of this page in my journal is filled with expressions of gratitude.

The stretching that I’m doing on this day is part of the energy work. As I healed and released the energies that no longer resonated, my body was being healed. The stretching was a big part of that healing process.

As I’ve said this in past posts in this series, I was alone. There was no other human being involved in my sexual awakening. The masculine energies that were coming through for me were Spirit’s. I was being guided through my sexual awakening just as I had been guided through my spiritual awakening, by Spirit.

Through these experiences, I was learning about intimacy and love. I was learning about what I wanted in a partner. I was learning how to be an emotionally and sexually healthy partner.

After many years of neglect and abuse, I was learning how to be me again. I was learning to love again. In some ways, I still am. 

I’m grateful you’re here. I love you.

Be well, beautiful soul,

Nikki