The Journey Continues - Part 6

The Process of Healing Continues.

There are some good days and some bad days. This past week there were a couple of really bad days. It felt like I was regressing, but it’s more likely that I pushed myself too hard. That’s an old habit of mine and I didn’t want it to inhibit my healing.

I took a couple of days to rest and spent some time crying and feeling sorry for myself. It wasn’t pretty, but processing emotions is important, so I allowed it. Once processed and released in the form of crying, it was time to shift my energy.  

My low vibe energy wasn’t helping me heal. So, I started to think about what helped me shift my energy in the past and I realized that I needed to focus on gratitude. It’s what my body, mind, and soul need. Gratitude is soul food.  

There is Much to be Grateful For.

It’s not hard to find things to be grateful for, even while in cancer treatment. There are many people who have helped me. There is Spring and warm weather to savor. I have a good prognosis. I have insurance and a full pantry. There is much to be grateful for.

This morning I had an appointment with my medical oncologist. After all the tests and analysis, I will not need chemotherapy and for that I am grateful. Next week I meet with the radiologists and learn all about radiation therapy.

According to my oncologist, I’m healing well, and I am so grateful for that. I still have pain, a lot of it sometimes. My right arm, the side where the cancer was and where they removed lymph nodes, is healing more slowly but it is healing. The bruises are beginning to fade, but it’s still very painful and swollen. Physical therapy starts next week and I am grateful for that too.

This weekend I was able to get out for a walk around the block. It was warm, sunny, and the trees were blooming. I savored every step, every blossom, and every moment in the sun. For that, I am grateful.

There are small things to be grateful for too like being able to dress myself. I still can’t pull anything over my head, so I only wear what zips or buttons in the front. And sometimes I still need a little help. But I’m very proud of myself and grateful for the improvement.

I’m grateful for Anaono. They are a company that makes bras for women who have had breast surgery. They use survivors for models which inspires me so much. I purchased my first bra and a set of soft foam breast forms. I look forward to healing enough to wear them. Although I have to admit it’s been fun to go to my appointments without a bra…or breasts. LOL! Is it too soon for cancer humor? I don’t think so.

I am grateful for Rachel Baumel, who I call the pillow lady. She too is a survivor and is creating a pillow business to help people sleep after surgery. She loaned me a set of pillows and delivered them too. I am so grateful for her kindness, her support, and her fantastic pillow system which has helped me sleep.

I am grateful for all my doctors and their staffs. My medical team is smart, kind, funny, and all females. I could not be happier with the medical teams that I get to work with.  

I am grateful for my husband who has taken great care of me. From surgical drains, medication schedules, laundry, watering the plants, and the grocery shopping all while working, he has stepped up in a big way. I am forever grateful.

I’m also grateful for you, dear reader. For being here, reading my work. For being here with my on my journey. I am grateful you’re here and for your support. It helps me more than you know.  

Lessons This Week.

Healing isn’t a smooth, even ride. There are peaks and valleys. I do get a little better each week, and I need to honor my body’s needs to insure that continues. There are also days that I feel worse, but that’s not regression it’s just a signal to rest. I won’t judge myself; I will honor what my body needs to heal.

Processing physical pain feels a lot like processing emotional pain. In some ways we can treat them the same. When pain appears, we can feel it, relax into it, and then release it. I feel the pain, relax into it, then cry, and release the energy. I sometimes surprise myself when I release the energy, it’s kind of animal. I may cry, grunt, I’ve even growled when the pain became severe. I allow my instincts to takeover and release the energy in a way that feels natural. Everything feels better after the relax and release. It’s a process, or maybe more like a practice. I’m still working on it.  

Gratitude is a healing energy. We know that gratitude is a high vibration energy. When we are hurt or scared, we can shift our energy by noticing what we are grateful for. Maybe this isn’t a new lesson for me, but it’s one I turned to when the pain and healing were getting me down. When things really got bad, I remembered what I was grateful for. This is also a practice. One that I forgot for a minute but picked it up again like riding a bicycle.

We can nurture ourselves when we need it. We can hold ourselves gently and tell ourselves the gentle words we need to hear. We can also apologize to ourselves for self-judgement. Again, maybe this isn’t a new lesson, but it’s one I needed to remember. The first few times I saw my surgical wounds and all the bruising, I called my body ‘Frankenstein’ and cried. The self-judgment only lasted a couple of days until I told myself to shut up and stop judging. I was then able to nurture myself and show myself compassion. Nurturing is also a healing energy.

Cancer is hard. I’m healing and I’m grateful.

Be well,

Nikki