My Breast Cancer Journey - Part 13
If I Die Tomorrow Does This Matter?
Cancer isn’t my first major health issue. About 15 years ago I had pneumonia that damaged my lungs. I was in a drug induced coma for several days, had surgery to remove part of my right lung, all while in the hospital for a few weeks. When I recovered, my perspective on life had changed.
I was reminded that life is short. I learned to prioritize how I spent my time and energy. When situations became challenging, or when I was deciding how to spend my time and energy, I would ask the question, “If I die tomorrow does this (challenge or situation) matter?”
Almost always the answer was “no”, and the thing or situation would be brought into a fresh perspective. My priorities became clear.
I haven't thought of that question in a long time and I don’t know what made me think of that question on Sunday night, but it was exactly what I needed. Lately I’ve been in my head and worried about how I would move forward after cancer. Being in my head wasn’t serving me.
Sunday night, I asked this question about the thoughts and fears that I had about moving forward after cancer. I realized that if I did die tomorrow, being in my head and living in fear didn’t matter.
In that moment, the thoughts faded, and the fears melted away. I found perspective on the thoughts in my mind. I found balance in that question and balance on this cancer journey.
Yay! Radiation Therapy!
I have done it! I was finally able to get into the position required to be mapped for radiation treatment. It may not sound exciting, but for me it means that my treatment moves forward. Progress.
It’s something that I’ve been working towards for weeks and I am so happy that this phase of my treatment can move forward. It was a relief and a weird experience.
To do my mapping, they used a CT scan. The CT machine looked like a 7-foot-high grey plastic doughnut with a two-foot-high General Electric logo on the side. It was weird, but there was no pain. As I was pushed through the doughnut hole there were red lights, whirring noises, and a lot of lying very still in an uncomfortable position.
Beside getting my mapping done, the best part was the warmed blanket that the technician brought me. The room was chilly!
Next Up.
A little rest before radiation therapy begins.
Between meditation teacher training, physical therapy, radiology prep, and doctor’s appointments, I’ve been exhausted. Some days, I feel completely depleted emotionally and physically. Last week meditation teacher training completed. I’ve got until January 2022, to get certified, but for now I’m going to rest. I’m going to enjoy a quiet week.
A “dry run”.
This coming week, along with physical therapy, I have another appointment to have a “dry run” of my radiation therapy. I will get to practice and experience it before I get on the schedule. I appreciate being able to see what it will be like, and I didn’t understand the importance until the radiation therapist described the precision of the machines.
I will be having external beam radiation. (Click here to learn more.) The radiation oncologist inputs my mapping into the radiation machine. The machine allows one millimeter of variance outside of my mapping. More than one millimeter variance and the machine shuts down. The safety is appreciated, and so is the practice run.
Planning my escape!
Okay, I’m not actually escaping anything, but I am looking forward to taking some time for myself after radiation treatments. My hope is to find a cabin in the woods, near a body of water, so I can rest, recover, and recharge my batteries.
Do my Colorado based readers have any recommendations for cabins near Denver?
Lessons of the Week.
When things get challenging, find clarity in a question. Whether it’s “If I die tomorrow…”, or a question that you created for yourself, have a question to help you with finding clarity, balance, or perspective in challenging situations.
What question helps you find clarity?
Diving time is perfect. It sometimes feels like trying something over and over and not quite getting it right, but then one day it works, and the timing is perfect. We can be rejected, paused, re-routed or delayed, and it’s all in divine timing. The Universe, God, Source, Spirit, however you choose to say it, always works to our advantage. Divine timing is perfect.
Can you remember a time when you were rejected, paused, re-routed, or delayed, but it worked out in your favor?
Sometimes breakthroughs feel like breakdowns. Growth is painful and new insights sometimes come the hard way. It feels like I’ve been writing for weeks about my energy feeling off. I even sought spiritual healing to help with my low vibration. In hindsight, it was all growth. I just couldn’t see it when I was in it. But then, I found clarity in a question.
It’s okay if we’re not feeling like ourselves, or if we’re in our heads. Be gentle, it may be a growth opportunity. Are you feeling it?
Be well dear reader,
Nikki