From Ego Death to Profound Inner Peace

If you read last week’s post, you probably saw my struggle more clearly than I did. I was shadow boxing. Fighting with my ego and drowning in illusions and shadows.

In that process, I had lost sight of my true self. I was dragged down into the old energies and became mired in illusion and unhealthy ego. For a time, I became my thoughts, identified with them. But then my soul saved me.

Caught in Illusion.

I can track my slide backward as I documented it here on the blog. While I was writing about my sexual awakening, my spiritual awakening was advancing quickly. Ascension brought a new era, and with it, new challenges.

At some point during those weeks, and that process, I lost sight of where my thoughts were taking me. Intrusive thoughts were kicking my ass. I had forgotten my mindfulness training and succumbed to my thoughts. I began to identify with them and believe them. I forgot that my thoughts are illusions.

In 2020, while stuck at home and trying to change my career, I took mindfulness training. It was a free course with Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield online with Sounds True. (10/10 Would highly recommend.) It was through that course that I learned that thoughts are illusions.

My wisdom tells me that thoughts and emotions are active energy. Just musings and electric pulses. That is all they are until we give them meaning. We assign them meaning and judgment. But for a while, I forgot my wisdom and listened to my thoughts. And I believed what they were telling me.

While in that phase of listening to and believing my thoughts, I struggled to communicate with my soul. My thoughts and overactive ego had me believing my soul would betray me. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

I got sucked into those lower vibrations. It felt awful and painful. And that’s why I felt like I was back at the beginning. Because my thoughts had taken me back to that frequency. I was right back in the suffering of my past. And living without faith just as I had lived in the past.

As a result of identifying with and becoming, or believing my thoughts, I lost sight of myself. My true self, my inner Divinity. My soul.

It was from that awareness that my soul that guided me out of the suffering. Once I put my faith and trust in my soul, I was able to find my way back to healing, awareness, and clarity. That is how my soul saved me.

Healing, Awareness, and Clarity.

From the frequency of faith and trust, I was able to create clarity. I took command over my thoughts and made these intentions:

I am not my thoughts. I am not any label or judgment placed upon me by myself or anyone else.

I am soul.

I choose to live by my soul, my intuition.

I choose to live in alignment with my Divine life path and my soul’s purposes.

The material world will continue to move forward day after day. I turn away from the hatred and anger. And I commit to my Divine life path and soul’s purposes.

I reject the energies of overactive ego and illusions of thought.

My soul carries infinite wisdom and that will carry me through. By that I will chart my course.

Love. Wisdom. Abundance. That is what defines this new era.

Over the next couple of days, my energy stabilized. My body and mind returned to relative calm. I was able to sort through and process thoughts from emotions. Past energies from current energies. Healing could begin.

Healing included facing some pretty hard truths about myself. Which then required forgiveness and acceptance. I spent hours in solitude moving through the energy. I moved forward on a tide of gratitude and spiritual connection.

It was profound healing. Deep healing. I remember the soul realm coming through multiple times. Healing and celebrating ensued. It was surprising. Emotionally I still felt a little raw, tender. It was a beautiful way to heal.

After healing, it was easy to return to inner peace. And in that energy of peace, everything began to move forward again. New awareness and clarity began to pour in.

Awareness came first, it was a message from Spirit. While at my altar I heard, saw, felt, “the path will begin to smooth…highs and lows will be more subtle”. We had moved past the hardest parts and back into inner peace. I felt relief.

Clarity came in the form of a YouTube video. How it appeared in my feed is a miracle, and I followed my intuition to its wisdom. What I heard in that video helped heal me.

It was Surya Shakti channel's video titled; Feeling lost, lazy, uninterested, and depressed after spiritual awakening (What to do?). It was that title that resonated with me. And if it resonates for you, go watch it. (10/10 Would highly recommend.)

The video described what I had been feeling not just for a few days, but for weeks and periodically throughout my awakening process. Jagjot explains it all so well and with much wisdom and compassion.

Ego death. I had been experiencing intense ego death. End stage spiritual awakening ego death. It was painful and scary, but I got through it.

All the messages I’ve received from spirit, including some that I’m keeping to myself, seem to be saying that I’m nearing the end of my awakening process. My intuition, my soul, confirms.

My ego has been managed into a gentle balance. My connection with myself, body, mind, heart, and soul, is stronger than ever. My connection with my Spirit team is stronger than ever. My spiritual life is the foundation on which I choose to rebuild my life.

Rebuilding.

That’s what this current phase of this new era means for me, rebuilding. It is time to rebuild my life. It is time to take everything I’ve learned, and healed, about myself and make a life that resonates with me. A life that works for me and who I am now.

In the past rebuilding would have meant research, detailed plans, and a clear path forward. In the past that meant lots of expectations that would inevitably be unfulfilled. Pain and suffering would have followed. But that’s no longer how I operate. The plan to rebuild my life this time includes no plans.

My life now is on a spiritual path. I’ve learned to surrender to what I can’t control and allow the Divine and universal energies to deliver what is meant for me. I am a powerful manifester. I will attract what is meant for me. It will always find me.

Rebuilding my life now means trusting the path. Trusting myself, and my soul. Surrendering to whatever the universe brings. Trusting my path towards fulfillment of my spiritual, emotional, and material goals.

I have experience in rebuilding my life. I’ve done it before. This time though, it is very different. This time I am rebuilding from a place of profound peace. This time I have the entire universe, my Spirit Team and my body, mind, heart, and soul helping me.

Remember to bookmark the Exploring Spirituality main blog page to follow along as I continue on my spiritual awakening path and begin to rebuild my life.

The image used in this post was made in Canva.

I’m grateful you’re here. I love you.

Be well, beautiful soul,

Nikki